aliendna99 Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 there is a thread called post when ur drunk but thats like normal. thats like normal type drunk. this is more something like psychosis type shit. not sure if awake or alive or dead or working for the light dude. i wish i knew sometimes. i wish i knew what was gonna happen if i killed myself. sorry about my english btw it degrades when like this. so where was i. ok i wish i knew what was gonna happen. i wish i knew that it was either darkness or light. is it light beyond that tunnel or is it dark? im not so sure. I cant see it properly. i can see a hue, a dim light, but it just might be darkness masquerading as light. I dont trust that shit bro. The problem I have right now though, is not wether or not to kill myself. Its what it will do to the people i leave behind. that is my mother and sister, and i could never do that to them (blue planet corporation - alidade) i dunno man, maybe im supposed to battle and fight. im not sure what im supposed to do. have no meaning . only reason im not dead is my mother. what kind of life is that. im living and hanging on due to another person. that aint right man. well, thats not really what it is either. i dont blame it on her. in fact its the opposite. im glad im alive but im not sure what the hell im supposed to do here. i started LSD experiments at 17 years old, and did acid until i was 23. I stopped cus i thought i lost my head and my mind. now im over 30 and im just starting to build the shell back up, from what i was. tbh bro, i would die right now if it came to it. literally im not afraid. i dont fear anything. blue planet corp - crystal but at the same time i have to stay alive cus my mom . i mean shit. im not alone in my life you know. i didnt chose this life and i sure as hell didnt make it either. it was my dad and mom that made me. my dad is dead but my mom is alive. she loves me to death and i cant leave her like that. so i gotta live. but what am i supposed to do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotwang Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Have you tried counselling, or CBT? Do you have many IRL friends? Are you religious? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Have you tried counselling, or CBT? Do you have many IRL friends? Are you religious? thanks for reply can answer very easily i have ZERO friends, have done CBT, i am very religious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oopie Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 You're supposed to get to know who you really are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 oh am i? i must have missed the introduction class. or the orientation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotwang Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 i am very religious Do you attend a place of worship regularly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Do you attend a place of worship regularly? haha. no bro. i have my own religion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richpa Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Do something creative, take a camera and go outside and shot some pictures, or take a gym class, or better, go outside and run and don't think about anything, just run and focus on that route, or maybe try to write a blog, let out all the feelings and emotions through words, you probably will feel better - even this topic is a nice start. I can't give you advice because i never was in situation like yours, but i think that fighting and being strong is better solution than just give up. Afterall, we all got real-life problems and situations, i'm sure that there are people who are confronted with much worse situations than yours and probably they're fighting Goodluck and I hope you'll feel better and stronger! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panoptes Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 ultimately we have no meaning, this is what nihilists such as myself believe. Because we sentient beings fear death we are prone to theistic delusions and cling to desperate concepts such as the afterlife and reincarnation. Life is roller-coaster and you've only got one ride; why finish your ride so soon? I found meaning in other people, just as you have with your mother and your sister. Committing suicide is one of the dumbest things a person could do (unless you are in some extreme circumstance which you aren't.) Find you meaning in life, what makes you feel accomplished? How does this accomplishment relate to a profession? Perhaps its time for you to go back to school and further your education. I don't know your specific circumstance, but improving one's self understanding is always a good start. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ollylovesgoa Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 To post in this thread, according to its title, you shouldn't be able to operate a computer. I could not jump onto Psynews and start posting if I was ultra fucked up vodka style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Share Posted September 12, 2013 ^ that is cause an alcoholic We have skills while drunk normal people do not Such as acting coherent and typing well. Embarrassing one self is also a skill one have Richpa i do a lot of creative stuff in my life Suicide is nothing I will do just to be clear. But I certainly have those thoughts every now and again Nice words panoptes I share your philosophy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Procyon Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I would like to share my beliefs with you Alien, you are free to believe in them or not. I hope they can help you. I am a kardecist spiritualist, and in brief, we believe (rather, we have communications thru mediums) that suicide is one of the greatest prohibited mistake a human being can make, the line that can't be crossed without permission, par with taking lives of other people. In practice what we have heard from spirits that were suicidals is that they're in such great despair and pain that the suffering they had while on Earth pales in comparison to the afterlife. In a famous book that is reference to us about suicide, the author describes his situation a decade after the fact: the motives that made him not only didn't go away but got stronger (in his case, a sense of constant despair), but he also could feel the deep pain he caused to friends, family. He could hear and feel their crying, their thoughts, they missing his presence, the emptiness he left. As if this not was not enough to make him repent again and again from his act, he also felt trapped in a memory loop that kept him feeling constantly the exact moment when his life ended. In his case, he shot himself in the head. He kept feeling the moment the bullet entered his brain, the pain of the shattering of his skull (against his belief that this moment would be so fast he would die without feeling any physical pain). He says it was indeed brief, but in the dimension where he found himself, "brief" had no meaning at all. He took his life when he was 42 years old. He discovered "there" that his life on earth was programmed to last until he was 86. The 44 years missing was the period his then current desperate state would last then. After that, he would go thru a time where he would then learn why he had felt such despair while alive - it would send him 200 years back in time to another existence full of mistakes in medieval Europe. In short, he had to endure the pains of his life to put an end to the 200 years mistakes he carried from one life to another. Now, he not only didn't pay his "debts" but also added the greatest mistake of suiciding to his already indebted soul. In the end of the book, when he was already in recovery after 44 years in what he called the "darkest valley" (thus only then he was able to psychograph thru a medium), he says what lays ahead of this road: another life, full of sadness, that he promised to endure to the end. To put an end to his painful saga. He makes it clear that according to the plans that was proposed to him and he accepted, it would take another 300 years, two another lives, for him to achieve peace as he thought there would be "in the other side" when he shot himself. Also, nothingness as he also imagined, was a wrong concept that only made things worse for him. Personally, I say: most of us don't know you personally. But, see, we care about you. We spend our time thinking of writing things to help you. You're not alone. Don't disappoint us by disappearing. Be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 procyon not sure if youre making fun of me or if youre serious. But i will give you the benefit of the doubt. thanks, but i have no intention of kiling myself, as i feel i just CANNOT even though i would love to sometimes. i would LOVE to but i simply cant. It is the same as I cannot just rob a bank or rape a girl. Its not about the law, its just that i CANT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Procyon Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I am serious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 good, i thoght so. thanks man. also, on another note i am really interested in what you are talking about i have a built in feel that what you are saying is true and i feel like i am an old spirit on earth meant to expereince a whole lotta suffering .but like i said, even if i feel like killing myself often, i WILL NOT DO IT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radi6404 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Aliendna, what are the reasons you feel so bad? Having zero IRL friends is not so uncommon these days and with our music likes. If I would not adapt to other musical style when i am with friends I would have close to zero friends aswell, that is how it is. People either don`t know or hate this very music. If you want to feel better and don`t have enough money there are possibilites to ear money. You can for example look for easy part time jobs with computers or secretares that do not really need a lot of getting inside the job. For sure there are great offers in Sweden and if you have qualifications you can get well paid jobs. You can get Swedish and English online jobs aswell, there are many kinds of online jobs and if you combine many of those online jobs in Swedish and English (depending on your knowledge of English) you can earn good money with it. It is hard work but if you join a few sites where you can write texts for other members, which are paid, join sites where you can post instructions and join other sites like review sites you can make some money with it. Eventually you can write blogs or a book or put many adds on your blog about life. combined with a part time or full time job you should be better off I think, but I garantue for nothing, that are just suggestions which I have not fully tried myself yet. Other things to improve your life can be to find some persons, to whom you can tell everything. Where you can tell something odd, your travel desires, your fantasies and similar things. It can be a girl, they are great for talking since they will listen to you and you will feel great when they give you attention. Get great speakers or headphones to listen to goa trance and an mp3 player, that can help, do the things you like the most, but don`t set to high goals, since they are mostly hard to reach and cost a lot of energy, which you may not have at this time. People who say focus on studying or doing something very hard are just hilarious, in such a state it is better to start with things that give positive feedback to the brain easily. Things that can be reached without investing a lot of energy, that might be missing at the moment. Than when you feel better you can focus on bigger things. That are my suggestions for this state. And about life after death, I am asking this myself so often and watch documentaries, based on all the youtube documentaries from various American channels there seems to be something after death, some people have returned after days or were cured without any explanation, time progresses and we may get better results in future. We will see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotwang Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 i have my own religion. What do you believe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Procyon Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 good, i thoght so. thanks man. also, on another note i am really interested in what you are talking about i have a built in feel that what you are saying is true and i feel like i am an old spirit on earth meant to expereince a whole lotta suffering .but like i said, even if i feel like killing myself often, i WILL NOT DO IT! bravo man!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 What do you believe? i belive we are a genetic experiment radi; ill answer later dont have the energy right now. procyon, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exotic Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 . In a famous book that is reference to us about suicide, the author describes his situation a decade after the fact: hey Proycon , not to mock your beliefs or anything , but how can you communicate with spirits and that too have an entire book written by a spirit through your communion with him /her .. have you done so ? what is the procedure ? is it some skill you pick up by being under training with a divine master ? to me these are subjective beliefs that people impose on themselves to be a part of some group , have a sense of belonging / comfort and have themselves believe automatically what other people talk about with authority on a particular subject could be true if you are already predisposed towards believing something of that nature. my denial also probably stems from the fact that i have never really believed anyone who says they have spoken to a spirit . you could feel them , sense them but to have an entire conversation jotted down in the form of a book ? i dunno .. hope you done take it personally. Assuming if it were true and i do believe in what you go on to say later on about having to pay our debts for which we don't really need to get in touch with the spirit world as i guess everyone at some point in time has this moment of truth since we are all spiritual beings trapped in a human dimension - its a hopeless scenario where one has to live out entire lives in misery just to pay the debts of some previous life . when does this vicious cycle end , what is the true path to salvation that precludes having to life another life of misery if the previous life didn't fulfill the desired "paying your debts objective" ? not everyone can be Buddha . aliendna99 - its a really painful world out there I agree but you have to realize/understand who you are in the given scheme of things and play out this act (life) that doesn't compound your problems even more. often that is the most difficult path/task and the unfortunate part is no one can do it for you. even your own loved ones can be harsh at times which is the last thing you want to see unfold before you. its impossible to undo the mistakes one makes in life and often one needs to atone for the sins in this life or the next. hope you are able to ride out this time by not being too harsh on your self and adjusting to the situation in the best manner possible . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Procyon Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 @exotic: as I mentioned in my post, the book was psychographed. Search "psychography", I won't try to explain it here, it's too extensive. As for your understand and believing on what I believe, this is up to you. Not me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radi6404 Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 Hey Aliendna, would you please commend on my post, as you said yesterday. I hope I didn`t write all those lines for nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Share Posted September 14, 2013 Hey Aliendna, would you please commend on my post, as you said yesterday. I hope I didn`t write all those lines for nothing. Yes I will respond, dont worry just give me some time, til next time I have energy to read and write alot. im very hungover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliendna99 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Aliendna, what are the reasons you feel so bad? Thanks for the reply and the suggestions. I feel bad sometimes due to my mental problems. I have drug-related damage since over 10 years ago. Sometimes I just feel its too much and drink WAY to much and then have alot of suicidal thoughts. Most of the time I feel ok these days, but sometimes it just catches up with me and I drink alot, and become very destructive in that state. aliendna99 - its a really painful world out there I agree but you have to realize/understand who you are in the given scheme of things and play out this act (life) that doesn't compound your problems even more. often that is the most difficult path/task and the unfortunate part is no one can do it for you. even your own loved ones can be harsh at times which is the last thing you want to see unfold before you. its impossible to undo the mistakes one makes in life and often one needs to atone for the sins in this life or the next. hope you are able to ride out this time by not being too harsh on your self and adjusting to the situation in the best manner possible . Yep ive been riding it out for a long time, and still doing it, so if I lasted 13 years almost, I think Ill last 13 more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reznik Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 How do you move in a pencil drawn 2 dimensional world seeing through compound eyes? Any ideas? There´s just one way it´s possible.. Being equipped with a clock radio might be useful, as well as having a bucket in range so you don´t get wet. Fractals might occur multidimensional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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