How/where to find likeminded people for Trance events

[d.leerium]

Hello again,

 

I hope this is the correct subforum, but since the party-related subforums seem to be intended solely to discuss specific events, I guess it is after all. Ive been wondering whether theres any secret to finding likeminded people to attend Trance events with. Last year, after getting into Goa and Psy (as well as rediscovering my affinity to non-psychedelic Trance), I attended a number of smaller indoor parties in the town I currently live in, and it always looked like I was the only one going there alone. Most people seemed to know each other, almost as though it was a closed community, and I couldnt help feeling out of place somewhat. Also, its definitely not much fun to stand around on my own all the time, especially if the current DJ set isnt really that interesting a problem that occurs quite often around here since they play quite sterile, nondescript Progressive almost exclusively. Still, these events are the best (almost the only!) way for me to go out and dance, at least for two hours or so.

 

As a result of these experiences, I havent attended any parties this year. It just ends up being more frustrating than anything else for me, seeing everybody else well integrated and having fun while I always have to keep to myself. Of the few people I know, nobody is interested in this type of music (or electronic music in general), and all my attempts at convincing someone to join me have failed. Are there any online platforms or other possibilities Im not aware of to find likeminded people? Have any of you made similar experiences? Im not someone who socialises easily, so its not possible for me to get to know anyone once Im there.

 

Recently, Ive often felt the urge to attend some party and dance, but I simply cant motivate myself as long as I have to do it alone. It seems that whatever new interests I develop, I never find anyone to share them with, and my interests are quite broad This tendency has been bothering me for a long time, but I can do whatever I want, it wont change. It can be okay every once in a while to go to the cinema or attend a concert or theatre play on your own, but not all the time, especially when you dont even have the choice. Its the same with a DnB party thatll take place next week. There must be some way to deal with this, but right now Im out of options and would be happy if anyone could share some experiences.

[Purple Sunray]

might sound strange.. but best place to find people that like trance events is on a trance events^^

Ever tried to talk to some of those ppl instead of standing around on your all the time?

[d.leerium]

As I said above, that sort of thing (i.e. socialising on the spot) doesn't work for me. A few times someone even came up to me and said something, but it already starts with not being able to filter out all the background noise properly and hence having significant trouble understanding what it is they're saying. This makes for a difficult start. Then there's making conversation on a pontaneous 'smalltalk' basis as such, which doesn't come easily for me. Both these problems come with being autistic, unfortunately, and that sort of impairment lasts a lifetime. It'd be much easier for me if I already knew someone a bit closer. To be perfectly honest, being talked to once I'm there even makes it all the more difficult for me. Some people are really persistent and, if you don't have the necessary social skills, can become intrusive. I believe that you're less 'vulnerable' when you're there in a group of at least two people. I'll never forget that Trance festival I went to last October. At some point, a girl tried to involve me in some strange (though perfectly normal and maybe even enjoyable for most people, I guess) dancing-mating-whatnot-ritual. I was completely at a loss. A few minutes later I left... That's the first and only time this sort of thing ever happened to me, though. 'Regular' people usually have the social intuition needed to react to such situations in a spontaneous and natural way, but I don't - it means a lot of stress, and also frustration for being confronted with my fairly narrow limitations and not being able to connect in the way I'd like to. Don't get me wrong, though, it's not like I can't (or don't want to) socialise at all - on the contrary, it's just that it doesn't work in the usual way of going somewhere and getting to know people.

[Panoptes]

I've found that not taking myself and other so seriously helped me out some. These are singular situations of which you will have many in your life. Better to make the mistakes or whatever now rather than later. Live and learn and remember to be yourself. Good luck. You should feel lucky that you have goa/psy/trance parties in proximity. The US is a desolate of such events.

[d.leerium]

Thanks. Well yes, it's good that there are such events here at all, although the music they play actually has little to do with either Goa or Psy, in all honesty... But it's as good as it gets.

 

What I forgot to mention in my initial post: I'd like even more to attend an open air festival with a really interesting line-up someday, but to do that, I'd definitely need someone to accompany me. That's the sort of situation I really wouldn't be able to tackle on my own, not to mention getting there in the first place... :/

[Mergi]

LOL. This sounds like me trying for a duration of about 10 years to understand how or why I could or would socialize in the fraternity for natural sciences at the university of stockholm. I've simply ended up doing my own thing and that's playing records for them instead of talking to them, which works so much better! I have never enjoyed (or rather on very few occasions OK, then with very openminded people) or understood anything while sitting down at a table for socializing, I always end up sipping my beer every 5 seconds and reading the stickers on the bottle.

[Mergi]

I was on a roll once at fusion festival, I simply got drunk and decided to smile and clink bottles with random people. Suddenly things got a bit more responsive for some reason and all this smalltalk seemed to bubble up, I nearly got laid in the end but because of my own stupidity I declined(!?)... still reeeally kicking myself mentally for that move, damn it!

[mars]

Well, I had the same issue as d.leerium when I arrived in Paris 16 years ago. I partied alone for quite some time.

 

- Find forums with people in the same area, contribute. Or the FB event page, works too. Sooner or later, someone will propose to meet somewhere before the party or a meeting in real life. Or maybe some people will ask for a ride to the party: respond to that!

- Talk to people when not on the dancefloor, like near the shops or at the bar: clink bottles with random people like Mergi said. Once, then another time at the next party, etc.

- Propose to clean up after the party, simple as that. You'll be an instant friend to the organizers and you'll have some time to talk in a quieter environment!

 

In short: get to know the local party scene little by little until one invites you for a pre-party drink at his place, and from then on, things will go faster and faster.

[Quya]

When going out alone, it's good to come out with plenty of positivity behind you....if you bring the positivity then people are more likely to want to be around you, it's infectious. I have a pre-going out ritual that I follow - a light workout, some yoga, eat some healthy food, relax and listen to some psychill in a hot bath. Maybe meet with some non-psy friends during the daytime to get your social muscles warmed up. Then come into the party with no expectations and see where the night takes you.

 

There is a more long-term option as well - develop a relevant art, such as poi's, juggling, contact ball, dancing....you will make friends while training these kinds of skills and when you are competent you will get respect. It's more long-term in nature, but for someone who has difficulty socialising it could be a great way to meet people as well as do something fun. I started working on my dancing 5 years ago, learning many different styles, it has become a real passion and it's paid dividends in many areas of my life. To learn an art that you enjoy, and attempt to master it, is a beautiful thing and worthy of respect.

[d.leerium]

Thanks for the suggestions, and sorry for not replying sooner... My spare time for posting on forums is somewhat limited these days, and I need to be in the right mindset to be able to respond properly to the more 'serious' topics.

 

Currently I'm in the same dilemma again, which reminded me of this thread. There's an annual event on Saturday which I attended last year, and back then I swore to myself not to go there on my own again. But the only alternative is not to go there at all. It's hard enough to even find the motivation to go on my own, I mean, most people probably know that problem from experience - it's easier to get your shit together when you're in good company. Besides, I find it increasingly difficult to even keep myself awake until the event begins; guess I've passed the age of staying up all night, and this, too, is easier when you're in good company and can make some conversation.

 

The main problem is really that I don't have the social skills and abilities to be able to socialise with new people even on the most basic level once I'm there, and trust me when I say it's not a matter of experience. That's why I'd necessarily need some way to get to know people outside of, and prior to, the events in a calm and less chaotic environment. It occasionally happened to me that someone said something to me at the party and tried to make conversation, but thsi simply doesn't work out of the blue. For one thing, I usually don't even understand what they're saying with all the background noise going on (due to impaired sensory filtering), and for someone who doesn't know you yet, it can be very irritating if you have to ask them several times to repeat what they said. For another thing, there's the matter of smalltalk as such: even if I understand what they say, I usually don't have much of an idea how to respond, and the chaotic surroundings don't allow for the necessary concentration to maintain a conversation, so it soon fizzles out. Talking in the chill-out area would work better indeed, but most events around here don't even have one, and then, again, I wouldn't know how to start or maintain a conversation if I don't know the person at all. The fact that I don't drink certainly doesn't help, either (since several of you suggested clinking bottles/glasses). But I guess that, as always in life, there simply is no silver bullet to solve the problem. It's as they say: 'wrong-planet-syndrome'; I simply don't belong here... My way of thinking, living and communicating is too fundamentally different from that of most other people.