your addiction story.

[astralprojection]

hey all. been a while feels like a lifetime ago so much has changed in my life for the better although im feeling at my absolute worst.

 

Ill just run thru my story, as short as i can which probably will be a novel anyway, and share some what ive learned from it etc.

If youre not in the mood for the whole wall of text thing, or lack interest on the subject and the experience of a 15 year long addiction then please leave thread so that you dont leave bad comments that are negative, thats not really what its for.

 

So.. enjoy a story of the life of a stranger who ended up in the claws of addiction, or dont. Whatever. But Feel free to share your story anyway. It feels good to get it on "paper" and sharing is caring. Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Male, 33 years old, grew up happy, well behaved, polite, lots of love at home, many friends, all good so far.

At 17 i had a big friend circuit and cannabis obviously snuk in, into my life. It was unavoidable.

So hell yes I tried it. I was very very excited and happy to try it, peer pressure or anything like that was not on the radar.

I remember looking at one of my best buds at the time, he had such a smile that i felt, damn... I wanna try that, I wanna have that smile too.

So yeah, I became an avid cannabis user.

This continued for about 6-7 years but more about that later.

 

I was 18 now, and me and another mate started to explore nature for legal and illegal ways to get high. Yeah, might sound wierd but that was like our hobby for a while.

And we actually found out alot that could make us high, but after a while we just said, fuckit, and did Acid instead.

Started with 1/4 of a blotter - which happened to be Hoffman 2000 a.k.a Hoffman Millenium which of course was a tribute to Albert Hoffman and had the original logo of the first blotter, but updated for the year 2000.

But it actually came out in 1999 IIRC. It was strong acid so we were well smart to try out 1/4 each at first.

It wasnt intense to the point of discomfort at all, it was the best experience of my life - to date, it was .. hmm, can barely headcount, but you can. 16 years or so I suppose. That is a fukin long time ago.. damn.. anyway, we loved it, so we did it again.

And again. Of course we upped the dosage after trying it for 2-3 times, so we did half a trip. By this time I was completely immersed in the experience - and I began preaching almost, to my friends, that Acid has made me wiser, happier, and I dont have a worry in the world, and everything is just perfect. And it actually was, too. So I wasnt lying or anything, I was genuin with all my intentions but in hindsight, it might seem like I pushed a hazardous material onto about 10 people. So I suppose I could be guilty of crimes, should anyone of them had a bad trip, die, or something like that. It would have been my fault. Luckily everyone took low enough doses to all enjoy it.

At least those that I was close with who I said YOU GOTTA TRY THIS.

 

So since I was like, I dunno, the one orchestrating the LSD movement in our group of friends (sounds redicoulous but it was like that when i really think about it) I of course was the one to try the full blotter, and I did.

So did my mate who I first tried acid with, since we were comfortable with eachother, and we hadnt even seen or heard of a bad trip before - it was just "rumors and hearsay" to us - it couldnt happen to us - Acid this wonderful thing - bad trip? Whaaat? No way.

But oh so stupid kids can be... and yes, if ur 18 ur a fukin runt bro, and we were fuking kids. I know there are alot of different types of people some mature early, some dont, but in a safe environment - you stay kids longer. Which of course is healthy for you, but in a rough environment you are forced to mature early so I can only speak for myself and my generation, in my area. And when I mean safe I dont mean we didnt get into fights, had hoodlums running around our hood, shit like that, that happened most definatley, robbery and all that - I mean safe like a loving home, not a country of war, no government in your business, and you feel free.

 

Well, that night we took a full hit each, and after two hours I thought "fuck, these are really strong". It was a new batch.

While I was thinking this I was looking into the air having mad visuals. I wouldnt call the visuals on LSD as hallucinations - because you dont see things that dont exist - you still see reality but it is heavily distorted. Walls boiling, flowing, floor feeling like its tilted and youre about to fall, and prominent perceptual distrubances - but not hallucinations per se. Anyway

My mate came to me with another half of a blotter, and since I was so high, feeling a bit lost which was new to me, since I had always retained control completely over the trip - but now I felt like I kinda lost control a bit, lost time here and there, and it felt wierd. But not bad. Not yet anyway.

 

So Í took the half and he did also. Apparantly he had a much stronger capacity for the effects or I was just extra sensitive, but we had totally different experiences.

I lost time now all the time, and I felt I lost touch with reality to suddenly appear back in my couch again, with mates around me and music blasting.

And that went on for a while, and I felt even more wierd, so I stood up.

That triggered something because the next thing that happened was complete ego death - time was an abstract term that lost all meaning. Anyone who hasnt experienced this cannot use their intellect to try and imagine it. It doesnt work you have to feel it yourself and I dont recommend it.

So yeah, I was lost completely, and was shifting in and out of reality faster and faster until I had a feeling of sheeer terror and horror - this came from nowhere, I couldve had an awesome experience but I dont know why - but the trip flipped on me, into a nightmare, which to this date, echoes in my mind.

 

Ill not go into too much detail of the actual LSD trip that went sour, I mean, details are redundant. It was a really bad trip. Thats all I need to say..

The next day, things in my head was not put back together - it was like a jigzaw puzzle with missing pieces.

 

I felt that way for a few days, then I shunned it, ignored it, tried to believe its going to pass, Ill just have to wait it out.

Now I know what I felt was Depersonalization and Derealisation. But I didnt have a clue then, I was just a stupid kid who thought LSD was the most epic thing ever.

Well, after that I lived a few years in denial, kept smoking, started taking Ecstacy and started taking Bensos.

I seriously do not lie when I say I must have eaten about 200 Ecstacy pills during those years and well over 1000s of different bensos.

Recepie for a fucked up life of course, but I didnt know, didnt wanna know, and didnt wanna think about it.

 

So in 2003 when I stopped taking any type of drug because I started having anxiety and shit, and everything reminded me of that horrible LSD trip, I quit and hoped for the best. After about two weeks of escalating anxiety and realisation that I had became a victim of both DPD and HPPD - which are both common to have at the same time if it is caused by drugs. Well, I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.

 

So I started drinking. Heavily. Which eleviated the symtoms while intoxicated, so I could feel feelings again, cry, laugh, etc. And it felt real, but in hindsight, I was just drunk all the time so none of it was real. Sigh. At least I remember some of my life from that point and I have at least one or two good memories, but mostly shit. So I became a drunk pretty much, what else could I do?

In 2008 I was hellbent on quitting alcohol. It had came to the point where I had 6 7,5% alcohol beers every night. At least. That amount right now would be impossible for me to drink, as I would puke after the third one, but then it was like nothing. It was like food, and water, it was necessery for me to live.

 

but still, I felt that alcohol was now causing problems and i just had to quit. I tried but failed, and I said to myself, okay, ill quit the booze, go on bensos for the first few weeks to stay safe from convulsions, delirium tremens and other alcohol withdrawal dangers.

So thats what I did. I bought 100 Valium and 100 Rivotril(Klonopin) and planned to take two of each every day.

 

this was probably the most stupid thing ive done in my life, because those 200 pills just poof disappeared after only a few days, and I couldnt figure out where they went. I kept looking for them .... I was now a walking benzo-zombie.

 

After a few thousand pills (not joking.) the effect started to go away and I sobered up, even though I could eat 50 valium at any given time without feeling more than slight anxiety relief.

So my tolerance was thru the roof, and the dangers of withdrawal from Benzos are similar to those of Alochol.

 

So now what the fuck was I gonna do?

Well, I quit cold turkey, and started drinking again, the benzos became too expensive so I had to.

 

Then I got the classic Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome, which I advice to wiki if you want to, and it lasted for about.. well, the acute phase lasted about a year, but remnants are still not gone.

 

Skip forward to 2013. I end up in the emergency room for dropping my alcohol consumtion too quick aka withdrawal, and had heart rate of 150+ and was literally dying if I hadnt went to the E.R.

The pumped me full of vitamin B1 because the lack of that Vitamin had caused me to stop drinking a few months before, but i tried my best to taper, like half the amount every other day or so. The symtoms of B1 vitamins are mostly memory problems, tingligng and numbing sensations in your extremities, and if it goes further - can lead to permanent delirium a.k.a Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome. I was VERY VERY close to this, at least thats what the doctor said, after checking my blood for the vitamin.

So three days later, and about 10 shots of vitamins and hundreds of mg of valium, I was let loose again.

This time without any addiction.

I had finally made it!

 

That shit lasted about 3 months until I noticed Tramadol. Wow I was in love. For you who dont know its one of the lesser potent opioids, some people dont even feel effect, but some people get massive euphoria from it. It also is a powerful SNRI.

So for me, it treated both depression and anxiety. I thought I could take this for the rest of my life and life a happy life.

 

That shit lasted about three months aswell, until I was at like 2 grams / day. This is extremely dangerous because Tramadol has an extremely high chance of causing Grand Mal attacks, and worse case scenario - which happens all the time - you choke on your tounge in your sleep and die.

but i didnt even realise I was risking my life every single day. Its strange what addiction does to you. It really has a hold of you and your thoughts. You arent even you anymore, you are just the drug.

 

Well, since I couldnt afford Tramadol anymore, I swithed to Suboxone, until that stopped working, I swithced to Subutex - ah - this is where its at.

Threee momths later AGAIN (3 months seem to be an opioid threshold or something, when it stops working properly) and I stopped taking it simply because again, it became too expensive.

 

Well, I didnt expect what happened after that, the withdrawal from Subutex, well, living hell doesnt cover it. My anxiety was quadrupled and that was now 1 month ago, that Im sober, but the anxiety hasnt subseeded yet.

 

Now Im drinking a few light-beer per day and 1-2mg Alprazolam, just to keep anxiety at bay, so I feel Im not an addict anymore, since Im able to not take more than what I decide to take - and that is an amazing feeling - but the anxiety, I mean, even if I took 10mg alprazolam( xanax) it wouldnt help more than 1-2mg so, its no point. The anxiety is stronger than the bensos. I actually got so desperate after a week I took Subutex again, just to stop the withdrawal, and then I would taper it.

But even more Sub didnt work . That kinda scared me and I got to thinking that, fuck, even Subutex doesnt work now, and my anxiety is worse than ever, and its been 15 years, I mean, wtf is this life?

so well, im off drugs now 3-4 weeks except 1-2mg alpra and 3-4 light beers (3,5% alcohol / 50 cl) which isnt much and doesnt get me drunk, just kills the anxiety about 5% - which is hardly nothing, but enough to survive and to not go psychotic cause the anxiety just wont go away.

I mean its like a physical entity now, stuck to me, craving all my energy and it literally feels like some kind of demon is attached to me like a parasite and it will not let go, and it drags me and pulls me down, so I cant go anywhere, litarally just going to the store to get groceries which is 200m away drains me completely.

Also my body temp has been about 1 degree lower than normal for the duration of this withdrawal.. My feet are still stonecold and wont heat up and im seriously starting to worry that something vital in my body is causing this, i.e that I fucked something up badly this time, and now my body has had enough and is letting go.

Also, I lost 10kg the two first weeks, because the anxiety made it impossible to both eat and sleep. The first weeek I was awake for four days straight, cause the anxiety wouldnt let me sleep.

 

thats when I started taking alpra and some beer, just to get some fuking sleep. But when I slept, it was like half an hour at a time, so couldnt get any real rest.

Luckily, the past week Ive gained back 5 kg, ive slept pretty decent, but every minute of every day im awake the anxiety is sitting on my stomach like a stomach cramp, and I dont know how to treat it really.. I feel I have zero options left, but to ride it out and hope body heals of it self after a while.

 

Seeking medical attention is something im wawiting to do until the bitter end when I am actually feeling like im dying for real - because my 20 times or so visiting doctors, trying out all the fucking non-addictive medications there is and nothing working - Youd also not be so keen on seeking medical attention.

Since 100% of the times you did - you did recieve zero help.

 

 

So thats my story, a fucked up life, which I destroyed myself for some reason, and now that Im completely sober for the first time in my entire life, (I dont count the small dosage of alpra and beer atm, since they have only a marginal effect on me, and since Im not abusing it, I feel im not addicted to it - otherwise I would drink myself drunk each night, and take much more alpra. But im not. I am deciding to suffer the anxiety sober - but that is sadly mostly because I dont know what to do.

Since nothing works anymore, and Im never going to end up with a needle in my arm, Id rather die than that, tbh, so Ive reached a brick wall - and the anxiety is almost driving me mad at this point.

 

How the fuck can you have intense physical and mental anxiety, for weeks on end without any relief, at all? I mean sure, after 1mg of alpra and 2 beers its like 5% better, but thats it, so its hardly worth doing at all, and its probably only even placebo at this point anyway - so wtf to do.

Ending my life isnt possible, also heavier opioids is not possible - but being sober and having this much anxiety isnt possible either.

 

I really dont know how long I can take it, before ending up in the psychward for real this time. Sigh.

 

But hey. Thats life huh?

 

 

edit: I should add I tried 4 types of SSRI, two types of SNRI, 1 type of tetracyclic antidepressants, Atarax and Lergigan which are common antihistamines, actually the latter is from the antipsychotic family of drugs but is mostly an antihistamine aswell, so bascically sugarpills but i cant lie, lergigan helps me sleep so im thankful for that.

I dont know what Lergigan is called in your country and im too tired now to google it so if you wanna know you know what to do. All i know its part of the same family of drugs that of the very strong antipsychotics like Thorazine - but extremely low antipsychotic action, and very high antihistamine action. So maybe thats why it has a nice subtle sleep inducing effect. Im thankful for the small things. Atarax which is the most commonly prescribed anti-anxiety medication in Sweden for anyone who ever has had any type of addiction - is like taking air but with sideeffects. It is basically an allergy medication like any old antihistamine you get over the counter. For some reason its prescription only in swe, but its like a joke. And in Sweden - if we have had some sort of history with addiction, bensos are pretty much unavaliable, and sometimes that is what you need so you are forced to the black market for your medication needs here in Sweden. This is true for me and possibly a million other Swedes, and thats not a joke either. And its pretty much exlcusively eastern-europe made drugs- so you might get nothing, and you might get the real thing. Real proper sealed bottles or packs are very hard to get if you dont physically now someeone who actually gets the prescription and doesnt use him/herself. So the odds of getting proper quality meds are low.

For some reason the only benso you can get here in Sweden that is proper for sure, is Klonopin, (klonazepam/rivotril) which is a very very poor choice for anxiety due to its low anti-anziety properties but very high musclerelaxant and anti-epileptic action. So you basically just get really slow and tired from it, and dont really get much relief, at leaat not for me and many others. The best antianxiety medication Ive tried, which happens to be the weakest benzo there is in term of potency per mg, is Oxazepam, and that is impossible to get on the black market - and paradoxaly impossible to get from the doctor too, unless you have MAD skills in lying and decieving your doctor. Because no doctor in their right mind (id say wrong mind but hey , i guess im wrong..) would prescribe a possibly addictive medication to a prevoius abuser. Even if the doctor KNOWS his patient is just going to get alcohol and buy black market shit bensos - so its just a vicious circle and the whole system is backwards.

[Mergi]

I read all of it and I really know at this particular moment I'm of no help at all, but... just saying.

 

I've learned how to live with tinnitus, I hardly realize I have it. Anxiety though is a gut instinct feeling that plays into life more emphatically... obviously you feel a need to actually talk (or post) about it. Does it help?

 

Good to see you again, btw!

[astralprojection]

Yes it helps getting it out there.

To talk about it. Feels like I am more real, and not so abstract.. and before anyone says anything i am seeing both a psychiatist and a psychodynamic therapist, and have already been thru a CBT therapist aswell.

 

Thanks for reading all of it, didnt expect anyone to actually do that

[Starkraver]

. . . . . I hear you AP

Sorry had to remove this post.

[astralprojection]

thanks man, means alot. im going to bed now so just a quick reply, pertaining to me still, i can honestly say i have no cravings for any drugs any more, not alchohol not benso not opioids.

this is something that is uncommon and i am considered extremely lucky to NOT have cravings.

my only craving is being able to live a normal anxiety free life, without such a heavy and deep depression.

but its going to take a long time. ive just been sober a month, and ive been abusing for all my life, since i was 17.

Aint gonna take no 1 month to get healthy... so Ill have to wait it out, continue to be strong, and yes, for my mother and sister who loves me very much - without them i wouldve stopped fighting a looong time ago and no doubt i would perhaps be a junkie by now or worse.

so i thank them everyday for their support and i keep everything honest, too. they know about it all, just not the extreme dosages and amounts - i feel i dont want to go there, would be unnecessary to scare them when not needed.

 

Anyway im going to bed so ill write you a reply pertaining to your story tomorrow

i feel a little better tonight for some reason, im not sure what happened in my brain and body since this morning, cus i was a wreck all day, but now i feel calm and in control of my thoughts, so that they dont spiral down into black holes causing panic.. So im praying when i wake up tomorrow this feeling will stay - and that I wont wake up a wreck tomorrow again. dont know how long i can take it.

plus i am having the most intense dreams i ever had the past three nights, with hours of lucid dreaming. first i did was of course flying around, meeting other lucid dreamers*, talking to them about how cool it is to lucid dream and that you can do anything. compared how high we could fly and so on. amazing.. its like 100% real and if you havent experienced it, i wish you will some time.

 

Ive only had it one time long ago but three nights in a row now. yesterday i flew almost up to the clouds - its very difficult to do, since you first have to learn to hover, then you can learn to actually propel yourself into flight, like Neo. And when you do, you get better at it each time, and yesterday i managed to fly for what felt like three minutes, almost up in the clouds, wind breezing through my body, sun touching my body and goatrance blasting in my ears from somewhere, and it felt like MDMA.. pure euphoria. So our brains really are absolutely fantastic creations.

 

you can also create anything from thin air if you like. I created a whole pile of benzos last night, lol. Thought id get a little high. But as soon as i created it, i was already thinking and doing something completely different.

 

and if you are feeling perky, why not go to a strip joint or something hehe, anything is possible. im digressing as always, i write so freaking fast (tests ive done show that im typing faster than 97,3% of everyone, where everyone on that particular speed-writing test site was like a million people. so its fast. thats why my replies are so long cus i write them so quickly. not bragging, at all, just explaining why they are usually longer than expected..

 

good night and catch u tomorrow and read your reply in full, just really skimmed thru it cause i wanna give you the respect of actually reading it before i answer - so this was just a quick thank you for the care you give me! cya tomorrow.

peace out

 

*yeah i believe the dream world while we are lucid dreaming, is a dimension where we can meet real human beeings who are asleep, and also are lucid dreaming. cus i saw people all over the place hovering, trying to fly and having a blast. and the place could be anywhere. a sunny beach or a city or just abstract and continuously new, sometimes there would be a black building with nothing all of a sudden it was a huge mall with bowling alleys, bars, shops, etc. You get the idea. So inside that dimension we create our own reality and since it feel 100% real, and you are completely aware that you are dreaming, and that you can play Neo, of course youre gonna be smiling and laughing and having the time of your life. I mean I wish I could luciddream every single night its so amazing.

But I guess it doesnt work like that.

Cause its one of those things that are so hard to do its almost impossible if it doesnt happen by chance - and when it does happen, you wake up just moments after realising you are dreaming.

but to stay comfortable inside a lucid dream - where you dont have to use so much effort to "keep dreaming and not wake up" - you can relax and try out stuff like flying.

well, NOW im done. catch u tomorrow

[Mergi]

If typing makes you feel better, absolutely keep at it. Even if it maybe doesn't make any sense or is incoherent it serves a purpose of giving respite (however little or much) from anxiety which is indeed what your struggling to accomplish.

 

I've got a bit of rough mental state (though greatly humbled by the stories above), I was direly close to straight up depression just a year ago which of course I never realized myself because I was drinking my ass completely out of anything resembling common sense. I'm still trying to find a level playing field but there's like all these weird situations just rebounding all around.

 

I don't know... sometimes life is just plain difficult and the only solution, for me at least, is to do one thing at a time and that slowly without any stress or deadlines.

[Starkraver]

Mergi, I'm sure you'll win over all those weird situations with ease good luck.

 

"I don't know... sometimes life is just plain difficult and the only solution, for me at least, is to do one thing at a time and that slowly without any stress or deadlines"

 

Spot on!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Will catch up next year.

[astralprojection]

update:

 

Had a massive 3 month opiate withdrawal period with details I wont share in, well, detail.

I can just say that during two weeks I could do nothing but lie in bed, stare, not sleep, under 3 covers to hold my heat.

i was severely malnurished, and had i not took the last bit of energy left in me and take the train to mom, so i could crash there, so she could give me water, a taste of sandwish, i would surely die if alone at home.

 

I didnt taper either. Didnt take benzos for the sleep deprivation, didnt drink alcohol to feel better, nothing, i took it all sober, the full 3 month of it, and i survived

my synapses is now in working order, they make me happy and in good mood when expected, and vice versa.

I have no daily anxiety, nor hardly even DP/DR anymore.

 

However,

This was in march I fully recovered, so literally weeks ago.

I do take lots of meds, and they are helping. They are working wonders, and i do not get the most common side effect of one of them (1/10) increased apitite.

for me its the other way around, which is rarer, i get lack of apetite.

which i need. cause i need smaller meals often. rather than bingeeat once a day when the Remeron hunger kicks in, which can indeed happen)

but eating small meals here and there, fruit there, sandwich there, etc, im good.

 

past month ive been smoking alot of buddha and been loving it. i allowed myself a period of feeling good, after living a nightmare-anxiety for 3 months (although the monster anxiety which held me awake staring blankly for 10+ hours on end, lasted about 3 weeks)

 

I also drink a few 3.5% alc beer a day, cause i feel i need it. so in a way im still addicted to alcohol.

however, going from 7x 10,2% per day down to 4-5 at most 3,5% is a literal 40kg body weight in difference.

I was 133 and went down to 91 over a period of 20 months. Now back up at 100. Im 187cm.

 

Well, just an update for those interested.

Peace!

 

10/10 as outro for the thread as it is extremely fitting.

[Starkraver]

Keep a healthy diet.. Food is the medicine

May be a bit of walking, jogging if it's sunny over there.

 

Take care AP

[astralprojection]

Thanks homie <3

and u too

[Tatsu]

Sounds like you've come a long way. I have to say It's not a surprise it took some month of sobbering (and therapy and meds and what not) before the daily anxiety went away. I'm not an expert but imho that's the price you play if you start abusing drugs in an early age, especially if you do it for years (that's not meant to put you down or anything, I'm just stating the point without a rating). I'm quite glad I just gotten into drugs when I was around 20-22 years old, when my body was fully developped. Obviously there are still sideffects from drug abuse but luckily not on the level you had to deal with them. Bur it seems you made it and life is getting better for you, thumbs up for that!

 

Btw. you wrote you were smoking a lot of Buddha, is that some kind of canabinoid or some regular weed (or something completely different?)?

[astralprojection]

Sounds like you've come a long way. I have to say It's not a surprise it took some month of sobbering (and therapy and meds and what not) before the daily anxiety went away. I'm not an expert but imho that's the price you play if you start abusing drugs in an early age, especially if you do it for years (that's not meant to put you down or anything, I'm just stating the point without a rating). I'm quite glad I just gotten into drugs when I was around 20-22 years old, when my body was fully developped. Obviously there are still sideffects from drug abuse but luckily not on the level you had to deal with them. Bur it seems you made it and life is getting better for you, thumbs up for that!

 

Btw. you wrote you were smoking a lot of Buddha, is that some kind of canabinoid or some regular weed (or something completely different?)?

Yeah, some people claim it takes just as long to get clean as as long as you were on drugs. But thats not entirely true, although not completely dismissive either.

Id say if you do drugs like i did, expect at least 6-7 years in recovery....

 

Anyway, Buddha is just my loving expression of Cannabis, nothing more. Just a slang for cannabis.

But as ive previously stated, my "romance" with cannabis was a short one, about a month or 6 weeks or so, and im now off it again.

My last "session" lasted 6 years :/

[Tatsu]

I don't think you can set up "rules" about how long it takes to get clean or better or wwhatever. People are individuals and some are faster than others. And some never make it at all or make it put keep the anxiety or whatever. Either way, what counts is that you actually made it and that you are actually getting better.

 

When you say your last session lasted 6 years do you mean with that you smoked (more or less) daily? I'm not against daily use of weed, it all depends on the effects it has on you. For some people it has more positive than negative effects and vice versa.

[astralprojection]

I don't think you can set up "rules" about how long it takes to get clean or better or wwhatever. People are individuals and some are faster than others. And some never make it at all or make it put keep the anxiety or whatever. Either way, what counts is that you actually made it and that you are actually getting better.

 

When you say your last session lasted 6 years do you mean with that you smoked (more or less) daily? I'm not against daily use of weed, it all depends on the effects it has on you. For some people it has more positive than negative effects and vice versa.

yeah smoked daily for about 6 years.

in combination with ALOT of other drugs, cannabis can become very .... strange.

[Tatsu]

Depending on your natural tendencies even weed along can get pretty strange if you smoke daily. Luckily I never had any problems while smoking weed. I'm a daily user for 8 years or something like that. Along with various other substances, those not on a daily basis tho...

[Starkraver]

No effect on memory and stuff.?

 

The easy going attitude kinda creeps in.

[Tatsu]

Obviously it's kinda hard to tell since I don't know how I would be or feel I weren't smoking weed daily and also weren't doing other drugs for such a long time. Plus I can't always tell how objective my self-image is. I do have a tendency for depression, which was present before I even started drinking alcohol let alone doing illegal drugs. I see it as one of the reasons why I have the tendency to abuse instead of only use substances.

 

But what i can say for sure is that I don't suffer from anomia, not in my native tongue and also not in English. I also never suffered from panic attacks, not even in the times when I suffer from heavy depression. I can also say that I have a steady job for over 20 years now (I'm 38 btw, means I started smoking daily around 30 and not in my teens), always at the same employer (I switched department once tho). Four years ago I did a degree in business science. Took me three years of school (classes for 8 to 16 hours per week, plus writing a thesis and examns each year) while working full-time besides that. So my memory can't be that bad. I do forget faces and names a lot tho...

[astralprojection]

Depending on your natural tendencies even weed along can get pretty strange if you smoke daily. Luckily I never had any problems while smoking weed. I'm a daily user for 8 years or something like that. Along with various other substances, those not on a daily basis tho...

and there are millions just like you

but being a pothead doesnt work for everyone. if you become a lazy couchpotato then stop. if you become social creative and feel good - why in the fuck stop?

there are no withdrawal syndromes to worry about - at worst youll crave it alot, sweat alot, and have a few bad days.

Thats like taking MDMA compared to opiate withdrawal

 

edit: cannabis do "harm" the psyche in ways thats not toxic, but just the way THC works on our psyche generally. It can alter your personality, trigger psychosis, etc.

There ARE bad things about cannabis, but the way it affects the psyche is not very often spoken about, since all they point at is the non mortality rate, and no physical addiction.

and they always love to compare it to alcohol too, and in that regard I agree. daily use of pot is way healthier than daily use of booze.

[Tatsu]

Or course there are bad things about Cannabis. And if you care to know you can find out about it pretty fast. I luckily don't have the genetic disposition of being prone to shizophrenia or psychosis. And as far as I can tell weed doesn't alter my personality in a bad way (or maybe not yet...). Maybe also because I didn't start smoking daily as a teen but way later. In the end the good and bad side of very drug also depend on the personality of the user. That's why some people are able to smoke weed daily withtout having to face bigger problems while others don't.

[astralprojection]

starting smoking at age 14-18 is BAD ... after that... preferably long after that.. 99% of ppl will have no problems with it.