Starkraver Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 THE thread to converse! Irrespective of the topic, heh topic itself is Off Topic so no question of going "off topic" anymore. So the worst feeling I've ever experienced is back again. The helplessness. A little background, I love dogs, we had a family of 3 dogs as pets. Sonu (mother) , Blacky (son from 1st litter) Chinnu (daughter from 2nd litter) over the years we have lost Blacky (almost 8 years ago - when he was a 6 y.o dude) in an accident, we lost chinnu last year in May due to an unidentified disease lack of pet care over at our village and also misjudgment from my side that it was just the harsh summer that made her breathe heavily at times, she was very healthy, the most beautiful and loving pet that one can ask for. Her death came as a shock to us. One thing that constantly eats me is the fact that things might have been different if I took her to a nearby town and had a 2nd or even a 3rd opinion. Its because she was healthy that we all ignored her problem as its common to respire heavily (very harsh summers & she had a ton of fur which didnt help either) During the night that she passed away, I felt utterly helpless, she was given injections and drips but we could see her leaving us. That sinking feeling I will never forget, It troubled me for a good period of time & it still does. Just months after that I lost one of my best friend in a freak road accident. That didnt help the cause of calming down either. I have uncontrollable mood swings and emotional breakdowns. (I dont do drugs, no alcohol, no weed, nothing, may be 1 beer in 3-4 months, I drink coffee once in a while) and during those periods I lose my senses and do shit ending up hurting people I love. With blacky it was all too sudden and didnt happen in front of my eyes. But with chinnu, I felt it , I could see her pain, I could see she was scared, she looked upto us and we couldnt do shit, we failed her. Troubled by that , I leave nothing to chance and take care of her mum Sonu who is in her 16th year now with all my energy and focus, at this age its tough for her and also for us. But I am loving every moment with her. Cleaning her , medicating her , force feeding her , even just staring at her as she does the same for hours. She has always been with me and sleeps in my room in contrast to her daughter who spent most of her time with my mum. Fast Forward to present. After Chinnu passed away we started feeding 2 street dogs (females-Dummi and Rani) both gave birth to puppies last december & 2 pups(ku-ku & kempi) that remained with us, we feed them and put out a mat for them to sleep inside our compound. They spend most of the time inside our compound as its warmer and outside its raining most of the time. Since morning I haven't seen ku-ku or her mum or her aunt! ku-ku has a broken leg so she cant possibly run away to a far place and she hates rain & cold weather, so she always runs back to home when it rains to curl up on the mat. I went around looking for her at every nook and corner of the neighbourhood with little luck. That sinking feeling is back! I feel some fucktard has done some harm to them. I love ku-ku and had promised her to get her leg corrected after my exams. As Sonu (my pet) is old & she doesnt like company, I didnt take ku-ku in. I feel I have let her down as well. A limping 6 month old pup for fuck sake I cant take more deaths! Fuck, I know Sonu is with us for not so long now. I am just not able to keep the negative thought away. Its way past her dinnertime and bedtime and there's no response to my whistles & calls, no limping ku-ku running towards our gate. I see many people who are interested/knowledged/practice Buddhism which says suffering is caused by selfish craving and personal desire. Its basically "there is no selfless good deed" kind of scenario isnt it.? Its my personal desire and selfish craving that those poor young dogs are not poisoned to death is the cause of my misery right now.? Wtf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acid-brain Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Hey Starkraver really sorry to hear of your losses. You and your family are doing a great thing, caring for these beings that would suffer otherwise. I am just not able to keep the negative thought away. Its way past her dinnertime and bedtime and there's no response to my whistles & calls, no limping ku-ku running towards our gate.I see many people who are interested/knowledged/practice Buddhism which says suffering is caused by selfish craving and personal desire. Its basically "there is no selfless good deed" kind of scenario isnt it.? Its my personal desire and selfish craving that those poor young dogs are not poisoned to death is the cause of my misery right now.? Wtf. Buddhism does not say that anybody's desire or craving caused the dogs to die or disappear. That's a fact of the world. It says that your personal desire for the dogs to be safe and happy is what is causing you to suffer. Obviously some amount of grieving is only natural and right, but at some point you will have to accept the loss and move on. Ultimately you have done the best that you could for these animals and you will never be able to stop them from running away (if you give them freedom) or dying eventually. Suffering occurs when you hold yourself to unrealistic standards, or expect the world to always stay the same when in truth bad random stuff happens like this all the time. You are not to blame and in fact anyone who follows the ahimsa culture should be highly respected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 9, 2016 Author Share Posted July 9, 2016 Na na, may be I put it in a wrong way. That's not what I meant. " It says that your personal desire for the dogs to be safe and happy is what is causing you to suffer" - I meant this but wtf! It not fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acid-brain Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 I see what you meant now is that you invested a lot of time and love into helping these animals, and that you feel that your investment has been repaid with grief. And if you had never bothered to help, you would actually feel better about yourself.I think that the natural world is fundamentally unfair, and that our attempts to impose fairness on it will often fail and lead to suffering. But we should not blame ourselves when unfair things happen in an unjust world. Nor should we stop helping and loving others out of fear we will harm ourselves. Think of the happiness that you did bring to those dogs, and come to accept that they are no longer your responsibility. Just imagine what would have happened to the dog if you had not cared for it - it would have been far worse.As I said above I have a great deal of respect for people like you who take their time to care for creatures in need. I hope that you will continue to do so, and that the cruelness of fate will not hold you back. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 10, 2016 Author Share Posted July 10, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 10, 2016 Author Share Posted July 10, 2016 The limping beauty has returned. Completely wet, looking tired and worried. Chilling with her sister. What a horrible night. One day I want to have enough self control so as to just avoid these negative thoughts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 I feel there should be a new subgenre - festival Goa. Made specially to please the Dancefloor audience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SixZeroFou4 Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Sup Starkraver. Just letting you know you always have a friend with me around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abasio Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Thanks for sharing about the dogs. If you care about something it can bring you great joy and great sadness. With pets there will always be that great sadness because there is always a very high chance that you will outlive them. Would you rather experience both the joy and the sadness, or neither the joy or the sadness? The desire to be happy causes our own suffering when it's not achieved, but is that suffering worse from the hell of living without desire? Suffering can help you appreciate your joy so much more. How did you feel when the missing dog came back? Happier than usual? Desire might cause suffering but suffering can elevate your joy. If you have neither desire nor suffering, you'd be just a shell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 Thanks for sharing about the dogs. If you care about something it can bring you great joy and great sadness. With pets there will always be that great sadness because there is always a very high chance that you will outlive them.Yes, true. My first pet is so old now, today she couldn't even walk, I had to carry her out for loo and back. It does make me sad and bring tears very often as I we both grew up together. 16years! is a long time. I cant even my room without her sleeping on her chair. Would you rather experience both the joy and the sadness, or neither the joy or the sadness? Both. The desire to be happy causes our own suffering when it's not achieved, but is that suffering worse from the hell of living without desire? Yes, I wouldn't want to be a zombie. Suffering can help you appreciate your joy so much more. How did you feel when the missing dog came back? Happier than usual?Absolutely Almost cried of happiness! (which makes me realise, I've become very emotional these days) Desire might cause suffering but suffering can elevate your joy. If you have neither desire nor suffering, you'd be just a shell. Fuck the shell I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna smile & I'm gonna live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 You are a teacher , aren't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 It's her spot. She has slept on that chair for more than half her lifetime. But last week, I felt it would strain her legs while jumping down. So I got the cushion down and made a bed out of it. I was right, she is no more able to walk properly. Her health has deteriorated rapidly since yesterday. She just wont eat, today evening she had a butterscotch ice cream after 2 days of fasting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 I'm gonna go listen to Reach Escape Velocity now. Today was a tough day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SixZeroFou4 Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Hi Starkraver! Hope you are doing well brother. Your dog was lucky to have you, and you lucky to have that dog. By today's standards you were a superhero to that dog. Never forget that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abasio Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 You are a teacher , aren't you? That's right, but not a very good one. Lovely photo of your dog I'm jealous, I miss my dog. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SixZeroFou4 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 It's her spot. She has slept on that chair for more than half her lifetime. But last week, I felt it would strain her legs while jumping down. So I got the cushion down and made a bed out of it. I was right, she is no more able to walk properly. Her health has deteriorated rapidly since yesterday. She just wont eat, today evening she had a butterscotch ice cream after 2 days of fasting. Whatsup family.. check this out http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/13/health/dog-last-trip-trnd/index.html?sr=twCNN071316dog-last-trip-trnd0300PMStory 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 What a freak co-incidence that you had to post that! Tomorrow I'm taking Sonu she loves travelling in car. Tomorrow we gonna go and visit the nearby river & chill for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkraver Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 "Some days I'm completely prepared. But there's other days when I'm like, oh my God, I can't bear the thought of it." But whenever and wherever it happens, he'll be with her. It's part of the job of being best buds with a dog. This is exactly what I'm going through right now. A month ago I took her to my cousins farm and my god the old girl who used to have trouble walking just for her loo, wouldn't stop running around. For a good hour or two she ran the entire length and breadth of the farm. She would just disappear into the horizon and return someplace else. She slept like a baby for a couple of days after that trip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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